A Brand New Mission
by The Blue Seeress
Summary: A bit of evilness that my muse (and a few friends) suggested. I've got a little mission for the wild wing boys, are they going to be stupid....er, i mean reckless, enough to take it?
1. The Mission

This is one of my evilest yet. All sorts of strange stuff will appear. You have been warned. And although I don't own Gundam Wing I borrow it at will. Sue me and come up against my genius-lawyer cousin ^_^.  
  
Onnako's Birthday  
  
Blue Seeress: *magically appears*  
  
Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei: *appear with a sonic boom*  
  
Quatre: Where are we?  
  
Blue Seeress: Don't ask questions like that Quatre, they give me headaches.  
  
Quatre: No really, where are we?  
  
Blue Seeress: Uh....call it spandex space.  
  
Duo: We're in Heero's pants?  
  
Wufei: INJUSTICE!!!  
  
Trowa: ...  
  
Blue Seeress: -_-' Shut up, Duo.  
  
Heero: What about our mission?  
  
Duo: I'm hungry.  
  
Blue Seeress: Ask me if I care. You have a new mission.  
  
Heero: Mission Accepted.  
  
Blue Seeress: *sweatdrops* Ask what it is first, soldier-boy.  
  
Heero: Our current mission sucks, this can't be any worse.  
  
Other pilots: *nod in agreement*  
  
Blue Seeress: *grins evilly* So you all agree to go through with this?  
  
Duo: Get us out of our current mission and we'll do anything.  
  
Trowa: *notices the evil grin* This might be a bad idea.  
  
Quatre: Don't worry Trowa, I'll be there. I agree with Heero and Duo, our current mission sucks.  
  
Blue Seeress: *in shock* My God, Trowa spoke and Quatre used vulgar language...  
  
Wufei: Get on with it onna! We'll do your damn mission!  
  
Blue Seeress: *mutters* That's it, you're REALLY gonna get it, justice boy. *out loud* Shut up, Otoko[1].  
  
Wufei: *turns purple* *suddenly discovers he is tied to a chair and has a sock in his mouth*  
  
Blue Seeress: *smiles happily* I love this place.  
  
Duo: *snickers* Does Nick[2] know you like to be in Heero's pants?  
  
Blue Seeress: *scowls* Shaddup. Unless you want to share his fate.  
  
Duo: *shuts up* *sits on Wufei's lap the way he always does when See does that to him*  
  
Blue Seeress: So you all agree?  
  
Pilots: *nod*  
  
Blue Seeress: Good, good. *snaps fingers, making a contract appear* Sign here.  
  
Trowa: ...?  
  
Quatre: *translates* He said why?  
  
Duo: A man of few words, even in dot language.  
  
Blue Seeress: It's so you don't get contracted for another mission while you're working for me.  
  
Trowa: ...  
  
Quatre: He said ok.  
  
Blue Seeress: A'ight, sign up everyone.  
  
Heero: *signs*  
  
Duo: *signs*  
  
Trowa: *signs*  
  
Quatre: *signs using a gold calligraphy pen and adds a large flourish at the end*  
  
Blue Seeress: *raises an eyebrow*  
  
Quatre: *shrugs, blushes* I like my name to look good on legal documents.  
  
Wufei: INJUSTICE!! I cannot sign because you have tied me to a chair!  
  
Blue Seeress: Oh yeah. Damn. *blinks* Where's that sock?  
  
Wufei: *suddenly nervous* I have no idea what you are referring to.  
  
Blue Seeress: I'll let it go for now. Sign.  
  
Wufei: *realizes he is no longer tied up* *signs*  
  
Duo: *pouts*  
  
Blue Seeress: Tie him up yourself on your own time, Duo. Anyway, your mission is to impersonate 'NSYNC for my little sisters birthday party.  
  
Pilots: WHAT!!!??  
  
Heero: I changed my mind. Our old mission was better.  
  
Blue Seeress: To late! You signed the contract!  
  
Pilots: *all lunge at the contract*  
  
Contract: *disapears*  
  
Pilots: NOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Blue Seeress: Now, you're going to practice in here until you get it right consistently.  
  
Quatre: *meekly* When is the party?  
  
Blue Seeress: Damn your metaphysical questions, Winner.  
  
Quatre: I need to know how long we have to practice.  
  
Blue Seeress: As long as necessary. There is no time in spandex space.  
  
Duo: *too stunned to make a crack about being in Heero's pants*  
  
Blue Seeress: *creates a house in the formless void that surrounds them* Get some sleep or something. I'm going to go inform Onnako that it's in the bag. *fades, flickers and disapears*  
  
Duo: We have to get out of here.  
  
Blue Seeress' voice: You can't get out. You'll stay here until I'M ready for you to leave.  
  
Wufei: INJUSTICE!!!!!  
  
Trowa: ...  
  
Quatre: He says we might as well do what she says. We're at her mercy.  
  
Duo: Right, I'm getting food.  
  
To Be Continued....  
  
[1]Otoko is the impolite Japanese word for man, like Onna is the impolite Japanese word for woman.  
  
[2]Nick is a friend of mine. In this fic (and in the Heero's Electronics saga), he's Heero's lover. He's not in this, per se, except at the end.  
  
So far, so crazy. Review and I won't sick my muse on you 


	2. Mainly About Sobe

Here's the second part of the Gundam pilots in (duhn duhn duhn) SPANDEX SPACE!! For those of you who are not familiar with spandex space, it is my authordom. It is also the place where Heero's guns go when he stuffs them in his pants. IT IS NOT IN HEERO'S PANTS (though don't I wish)!!! It is meerly accesible through the demension warp in Heero's pants. Duo has problems with this concept....  
  
Anyway, you people will meet my muses today, in the form of...the managers....  
  
Mainly About Sobe [1]  
  
Duo walked into the third room in the house that he was checking out for signs that it might be the kitchen. It looked like a kitchen. It had linoleum floor, korian counters, knives, and...  
  
Duo: Sweet! The fridge!! *beelines towards fridge*  
  
Wufei: You found the kitchen? *wanders in too*  
  
Duo: Yep, and the fridge is chuck full! Have a sobe! *chucks sobe at wufei*  
  
Wufei: Arigatou! *opens greedily*  
  
Strange, small personage near stove: Careful, this is See's spandex Space Sobe.  
  
Duo: Heh, trying saying that ten times fast. *blinks* Nande kuso?!!?! Wufei, do you see a little man by the stove?  
  
Wufei: *gapes* I....injustice!!!!!  
  
Duo: Does it have wings and super-saiyan hair?  
  
Wufei: *starts twitching* Little men coming to get me.....  
  
SSPNS: Hi. I'm one of See's muses. Chikra.  
  
Wufei: *dumps sobe out (*grumble* waste of good sobe)* *holds left hand up* Never again, never ever.  
  
Chikra: NOOO NOT THE SOBE!!!! *points finger at it*  
  
Sobe: *flows magically back into the bottle*  
  
Wufei: *faints*  
  
Chikra: *stirs skillet on stove* What's wrong with your friend?  
  
Duo: He's not used to fairies.  
  
Chikra: I'm a sprite, dammit!  
  
Duo: Alright, you're definitely See's muse, you have her temper.  
  
Quatre: *wanders in unsuspectingly* Duo are you cooking something? It smells good.  
  
Trowa: *wanders in silently behind*  
  
Chikra: I'm cooking egg scramble.  
  
Quatre: Oh great I could use.....some....WHAT THE-!?!? *faints*  
  
Trowa: *regards sprite* *tries to revive Quatre* ...?  
  
Duo: Dammit I'm not Quatre you're actually going to have to talk.  
  
Trowa: *scowls* Fine, whose the pixie?  
  
Chikra: NOT PIXIE!! SPRITE!! IS THAT SO HARD TO SAY!!!  
  
Duo: *whispers* It's See's muse. It's got a temper.  
  
Trowa: Hn. Like her.  
  
Duo: I said that.  
  
Trowa: Damn. I wasted words.  
  
Wufei: *wakes up* INJUSTICE!! THAT FAIRIE IS STILL HERE!! MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!  
  
Chikra: You should be nicer, you're at my mercy. AND I'M A SPRITE DAMMIT!  
  
Wufei: YOU ARE INJUSTICE! YOU WILL BE STRICKEN DOWN BY THE GREAT NATAKU THROUGH MYSELF, HIS HOLY ACOLYTE!  
  
Chikra: Ooooh, that's it.  
  
Wufei: *disappears* *reappears tied to a chair with a sock is his mouth*  
  
Duo: I thought only See did that.  
  
Chikra: She lent me her powers. I'm your manager to help you become N'SYNC.  
  
Duo: I thought she was going to do that.  
  
Chikra: She's a busy lady. She's taking care of the landside preparations.  
  
Trowa: I don't remember this much over Onnako's last birthday.  
  
Strange voice from behind: She'll be ten. It's a very important age to See's people.  
  
Duo and Trowa: *turn around* *freeze*  
  
Chikra: This is Mihal, See's other muse.  
  
Mihal: Hi.  
  
Duo: No where on the contract did it say anything about dealing with silver dragons longer than my arm.....  
  
Trowa: Yes it did. Paragraph 3, line 2.  
  
Duo: O.O You read it?  
  
Trowa: Sort of. I caught the part about a dragon.  
  
Duo: I need a drink. *reaches for some sobe*  
  
Mihal: Careful. It's See's Spandex Space Sobe.  
  
Duo: Chik said that already. *chugs it* *eyes open wide* TROWAYOU'VEGOTTOTRYTHISTHISISGREATWOWIFEELGREATDRINKITDRINKITDRINKIT!  
  
Trowa: -_-* No. I couldn't manage to talk that much.  
  
Duo: WAHOO!! *bounces through the house*  
  
Quatre: *wakes up* *looks at the chaos around him* *squints eyes shut* I don't want to know.  
  
Trowa: *sighs with relief* ...  
  
Quatre: If you say so Trowa, I guess it is ok. Thanks for explaining. *notices Sobe* Oh great, I'm thirsty.  
  
Trowa: ....!  
  
Chikra and Mihal: Careful. It's See's Spandex Space Sobe.  
  
Quatre: *pauses* What's that?  
  
Mihal: It's stronger.  
  
Quatre: Oh well that's alright. I need the energy. *drinks some* Hm. Tasty. *blinks* WOW I FEEL GREAT!!! *runs off yelling*  
  
Trowa: *follows resignedly*  
  
Heero: *enters kitchen* *notices Wufei* Did See visit while I called Nick?  
  
Wufei: *jerks head towards muses*  
  
Heero: *notices muses* Chikra. Mihal. Long time no see.  
  
Chikra: Heya Heero.  
  
Mihal: Hello.  
  
Heero: Is there any of See's sobe in here?  
  
Wufei: *eyes widen* *tries to scream but is stop by sock*  
  
Chikra: In the fridge. Quatre and Duo have already had some.  
  
Heero: *smiles faintly and maliciously* I wish them all the joys of tomorrow morning. *drinks some* I missed this stuff.  
  
Wufei: *cringes*  
  
Heero: *shows no reaction* That smells good. *indicates skillet* Let me know when it's done?  
  
Chikra: Sure.  
  
Heero: Thanks. *goes off to use laptop*  
  
Chikra: *stirs skillet* You'd better check on the sobe wonders, Mihal.  
  
Mihal: Right. *flies off*  
  
And Chikra continued to mind the scramble, ignoring the irate China man trying desperately to rant while gagged and tied to a chair.  
  
TBC....  
  
[1] Sobe is a very very good drink which me and most of my friends are addicted to. See's Special Spandex Space Sobe is what we call it when I dump Tequila and sugar in it *grins evily* It's great.  
  
To NewtKeeper1: glad i dragged it out of ya *grins* hope you like this part to  
  
To Lady Dragon: continuing *salutes* thanks for reviewing.  
  
To the rest of you who read and didn't review SHAME ON YOU!! REVIEW THIS INSTANT!! please?  
  
~TBS 


	3. The Mirror Only Reflects the Truth

heya happy people! time for more fun with spandex, sobe, and those weird ear headphones/mics nsync wears. time to thank you for reviews:  
  
to gelfling: love ya too. yes, nick does know what i'm doing, it's his real boyfriend i have to make sure doesn't find out O_O' or i will be seriously dead. here's to sobe! *downs another bottle*  
  
to Onnako: this is what the hell. you knew i was crazy, dincha? this is only mild insanity.  
  
to sarge: oooohh....i ought to kill you. fortunately, my muses have an excellent health plan and can be ressurected, and wufei has to be out of that chair to do those baka dance moves anyway. still, try anything else on my muses and i'll find something nasty to do to you. thanks for reviewing A Lesson in German and American Numerical Slang, too.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The Mirror Only Reflects The Truth =D  
  
Wufei: *wakes up* *squints eyes shut* Nataku save me, but my head hurts.  
  
Duo: Mine too. Take a shower, it helps.  
  
Wufei: *eyes still shut* The light causes harm to my eyes. But why?  
  
Duo: You don't remember being in a rock concert and headbanging until you were losing blood and then going out and conquering the world with the swords of light?  
  
Wufei: Nataku save me....no.  
  
Duo: Good. It didn't happen. You went on a sobe binge after Chikra finally let you go to eat and got super wasted and did erotic things with me until we blacked out.  
  
Wufei: *winces* And I don't remember. Damn. I'm going to shower. *shuffles out, squinting*  
  
Duo: *rolls back into bed*  
  
{{Later}}  
  
Wufei: *shuffles over to mirror* *wipes off fog* *blinks at reflection* *screams* AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Duo: *wakes up* Wufei, what the-?  
  
Wufei: *continues screaming incoherantly*  
  
Duo: *hugs him* It's ok, it's ok, tell me what wron--*glimpses himself in the mirror* AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
{{Elsewhere}}  
  
Trowa: *shakes Quatre gently*  
  
Quatre: *wakes up* Oh my head...Good morning, Trowa.  
  
Trowa: ...  
  
Quatre: Fine, but my head hurts. What happened?  
  
Trowa: *smirks* ....  
  
Quatre: *eyes widen* We DID?  
  
Trowa: *nods*  
  
Quatre: Wow. *squints at Trowa* You look different.  
  
Trowa: ....  
  
Quatre: Ok, maybe it is just because your hair isn't fixed yet. I'll shower, you fix your hair. *goes towards bathroom*  
  
Trowa: *nods* *goes towards mirror* *sees reflection* *eyes bulge* ...!  
  
Quatre: I feel different...maybe it's because I've never had a hangover before. *looks into mirror* Oh....my......god.....*faints*  
  
Trowa: *hears Quatre faint* *goes in to help him* *swears silently*  
  
{{In the kitchen}}  
  
Heero: *attempts to give Chikra a Yuy Death Glare [tm]*  
  
Chikra: For some reason, that's not as effective today.  
  
Heero: That's because the pussy girly man I look like right now can't glare worth a grain of rice!!!  
  
Chikra: Calm down, it's temporary.  
  
Heero: I DON'T CARE IF IT'S TEMPORARY, I LOOK LIKE A PRICK!!! *hears screams coming from bedroom* I think the others are awake.  
  
Chikra: *rubs hands together* I can hardly wait. This is the first time I've tried form changing.  
  
Wufei: *charges into kitchen with katana* DAMN YOU, WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!!!??  
  
Duo: *follows with beam scythe* NO WHERE ON THE CONTRACT DID IT SAY I HAD TO LOOK LIKE THIS!!!! WHOSE FACE IS THIS ANYWAY!!!?  
  
Trowa: Paragraph 4, Line 7.  
  
All: *pause* Nani?  
  
Trowa: The form changing thing was on Paragraph 4, Line 7.  
  
Duo: How did you read that?  
  
Trowa: *shrugs*  
  
Chikra: Heh, well anyway, Duo, you're Lance; Wufei, you're JC; Quatre, you're Nick-  
  
Heero: *growls* He looks nothing like Nick....  
  
Chikra: From the band, twit. Trowa, you're Joey. And soldier-growling-boy here who is about to try to do dreadful things to me is Justin. *glares at Heero* Watch it, or I'll tie you to a chair.  
  
Heero: *scowls uncomprimisingly*  
  
Chikra: *regards them, the looks at the pictures spread on the table in front of him* Not too shabby. What does everyone want for breakfast?  
  
{{Not too long after breakfast}}  
  
Mihal: *flies in* See says she's about to do it.  
  
Ex-pilots: *look worried* Do what?  
  
Chikra: *sighs* We can't use earplugs, huh?  
  
Mihal: We need to hear it to see if their on beat and key. See says good job on their appearence, by the way.  
  
Chikra: Yay. I'll go get the CD. *flies out disconsolately*  
  
Duo: Will one of you overly smug spawns of lizards explain what See is about to do?  
  
Mihal: Temper, temper. We need a stage don't we? See's going to build one.  
  
Quatre: How? She's not even here.  
  
Mihal: So?  
  
(room begins to swirl disorientingly)  
  
Wufei: *voice suddenly shrill and girlish* Auntie Em! Auntie Em! Help!!  
  
Trowa: ...  
  
Mihal: *smirking in a dragon sort of way* One of the possible sideffects of being around for a major change in spandex space is past life regression.  
  
Trowa: O.O  
  
Quatre: *eyes look crazy* Acth saruy! Dam shing ruin! [1]  
  
Trowa: O.O  
  
Heero: So Wufei was Judy Garland in a past life? That's funny.  
  
Trowa: Quatre, please snap out of it!  
  
All others: O.O Yatta!! He spoke!  
  
Quatre: I'm alright, Trowa....but I'm a little confused.  
  
Trowa: *sighs in relief* ....  
  
Quatre: *hugs Trowa*  
  
Heero: So, Wufei, did you like show biz?  
  
Wufei: I don't know what you're talking about.  
  
Heero: *grins* I thought you had done research on your past lives?  
  
Wufei: O_O What did I do?  
  
Duo: *defensive* Shut up, Heero.  
  
Heero: *smirks silently*  
  
Wufei: Why did I sign that contract? Why, damn it, why?  
  
Duo: Because our mission before involved seducing OZ soldiers.  
  
Mihal: *raises left eye ridge in an uncanny imitation of Spock* And you're complaining now?  
  
Chikra: *flies back in holding CD* I sprinkled it with Holy Water. I think it's safe to touch now.  
  
Mihal: Put it in the player.  
  
Chikra: Can't you do it?  
  
Mihal: I don't have fingers or opposable thumbs.  
  
Chikra: *grumbles* Ok, happy victims. You're going to listen to this CD and pick four songs to perform. If you can't decide on four, we'll just do the first four. I'm leaving. *inserts CD in large player* *flies out hastily*  
  
Mihal: *cranks volume* *flies out too*  
  
(doors disapear)  
  
Pilots: NOOO!!! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE US HERE!!  
  
Duo: This is unconstitutional! Cruel and unusual punishment! I'm AMERICAN dammit, I have rights!  
  
(music suddenly blares)  
  
Pilots: *clamp hands over ears* *discover that it doesn't help*  
  
Wufei: IIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNJJJJJJJJUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSTTTTTTIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCEEEEEE!!  
  
Music: *continues unconernedly* *and continues* *and continues*  
  
to be continued......with annoying lyrics.....quake with fear....  
  
[1] Supposedly, that is what Attila the Hun said when he took the Great Wall. I understand about as much of it as you do, but you see the irony now, yes? Please review, if you're nice. 


End file.
